Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
