I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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