Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
