Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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