I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
