this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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