All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
