So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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