He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Randomize
