Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
