Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
