this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
