Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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