the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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