why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
