I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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