I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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