Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i believe in u and ur pee
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
