You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
