you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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