Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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