No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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