dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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