I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
