Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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