his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
