Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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