I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
