Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize