mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
