they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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