She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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