im drinking this country out of the recession.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
