Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
