I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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