you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
