We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
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Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
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All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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