It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
