Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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