the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
