i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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