Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
