Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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