I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
