where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
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