I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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