OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
