When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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