I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
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Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
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Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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