why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
