why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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