Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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