We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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