thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i will never coherently bang her
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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