Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
