If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
