I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
