i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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