I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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