I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
