I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
