I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize