Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
