ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
