Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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