It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
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Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
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Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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