I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
