R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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