stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
A bitchslap is in order.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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