No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Shame - the story of my life.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
