but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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