look no pants
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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