I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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