Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
