You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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