I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
