just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
ugly people sure do ruin things
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
