Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
